Alright, I’ll write

Already  I’m distracted by the title that I’ve opened with. All right, alright—just one more thing that is changing. Apparently the word and the phrase are now interchangeable.  Someone somewhere in my day yesterday—TV, internet, one of the books I’m reading—pronounced some version of “the only thing certain in life is change.”   Fine. Change is growth, change is healthy. But it is also exhausting.

Just when you think you know something or how to do something, new rules crop up.

But let me try to get back on the train of thought that brought me here this morning in the first place. The reason for the Alright.

I decided to start a personal blog about two and a half years ago on a sudden impulse to journal out loud during some major personal changes.  It turns out that even in this on-again, off-again,  who-am-I writing-to-anyway experiment, I have learned a few things.

First of all, I am a very private person. Of course I already knew that, but creating a blog highlighted this fact for me. When I journal in private, I work through things on a very personal level for my eyes only.  Some mornings I have written non-stop for hours on the blog only to save my words in a draft or post as “private” and finally end up deleting.

The next thing is that I am also an exhibitionist, at least where it comes to my writing. When I have put something down worth reading, I want someone to see it. Since I have been completely inconsistent with my ramblings, topics, and frequency of writing on my blog, I haven’t found an audience in Word Press. I did get a lot of response when I linked my blog to Facebook, but knowing  my words were jumping in front of an uncensored hodgepodge of friends and family near and far daunted my private persona.

The other thing is all that other writing that isn’t my blog. It takes a lot of time and energy and focus to try to do something with that. Can I do both?

I think I can.

I have learned one more thing in my blogging process. If I save it in a draft to get back to later, I won’t.  If I allow this to be my first thoughts (with minimal self-censoring as I go along) it works out better. It’s a whole different ballgame than writing a story or personal essay or poem.

Now if I can just figure out a way to focus it so that someone actually reads it……